Feeling Stuck at Home? Learning to Love Staying Home as a Muslim Woman

Learning to Love Home: A Reminder for Muslim Women and Mothers

There is a mindset that has slowly become normal: that being at home means we are missing out.

We hear phrases such as, “I need to get out of the house,” “I’ve been stuck indoors all day,” or “I can’t stay home all weekend.” Sometimes it can begin to feel as though a good day must involve going somewhere, meeting someone, shopping, eating out or finding another activity outside the home.

But as Muslim women, it is worth asking ourselves a different question:

Have we learnt to value the home in the way Islam teaches us to value it?

This is something I have personally had to work on myself.

I was not always someone who naturally enjoyed staying at home. I had to train myself to become comfortable with it. The more I learnt about the position of the Muslim woman, the importance of the home, raising children and protecting our families, the more my thinking began to change.

Over time, alhamdulillāh, I began to genuinely enjoy being at home.

That does not mean I never leave.

I go shopping when I need to. I may meet friends with the children, visit parents and family, go somewhere beneficial, take the children out or fulfil other needs. But I no longer want to feel that I must constantly be outside in order to enjoy my life.

There is an important difference between going out for a purpose and developing a lifestyle where we are uncomfortable simply being at home.

Allah Told the Believing Women to Be Settled in Their Homes

Allah says:

> “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” 

> Sūrah al-Aḥzāb 33:33

The verse was addressed directly to the Mothers of the Believers, the wives of the Prophet ﷺ. Shaykh ʿAbdul-ʿAzīz ibn Bāz رحمه الله explained that the Muslim women are included in the general guidance of being settled in their homes, and that this contains protection for them. (Troid)

He explained that the home is a woman’s base, and he spoke about the tranquillity and stability connected to her being settled there. (Troid)

That wording is beautiful when we think about it.

Settled. Stable. At ease.

The home should not automatically feel like somewhere we are trapped.

For the believing woman, it can become somewhere she settles.

Somewhere she worships Allah.

Somewhere she raises her children.

Somewhere Qurʾān is read.

Somewhere Islamic knowledge is taught.

Somewhere meals are shared.

Somewhere conversations happen.

Somewhere children are comforted, corrected and nurtured.

Somewhere a family develops its habits, manners and relationship with Allah.

Even Regarding the Masjid, the Prophet ﷺ Said Her Home Is Better for Her

The Prophet ﷺ said:

> “Do not prevent your womenfolk from the Mosques, though their homes are better for them.”

Reported by Abū Dāwūd, no. 567, and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albānī. (Salafi Publications)

Notice the balance in this narration.

Women were not forbidden from attending the masjid.

Yet the Prophet ﷺ still taught that their homes were better for them.

Shaykh al-Albānī رحمه الله likewise explained that the general principle for the woman is that her home is her base. At the same time, he mentioned that there may be benefit in her going to the masjid to learn from a knowledgeable imam, or visiting another woman’s home for beneficial knowledge. (Troid)

This is an important balance that we should preserve.

Islam does not require a woman to lock herself indoors and never leave.

But neither does Islam teach us that a woman should spend her life constantly searching for reasons to be outside.

Leaving Home Can Have a Purpose

There are many perfectly legitimate reasons for a Muslim woman to leave her home.

She may need groceries.

She may have a medical appointment.

She may visit her parents or relatives.

She may attend beneficial Islamic lessons.

She may meet another sister.

She may take her children somewhere beneficial.

She may go walking.

She may take the family for a picnic.

She may have genuine responsibilities that need attending to.

The discussion should therefore not become:

“Women should never go out.”

Rather, we should begin asking:

“Why am I going out?”

Is there a benefit?

Is there a need?

Is it permissible?

Are Islamic boundaries being maintained?

Or have I simply reached the point where sitting peacefully in my own home makes me restless?

That is the mindset I believe many of us need to reconsider.

What About Taking the Children Out to Play?

Being home-centred does not mean children should spend their entire childhood shut indoors.

Children need movement, play, family interaction and permissible enjoyment.

Abu Khadeejah advises parents to allow children permissible play and games at balanced, set times, while organising their lives between study, work and play. (Salafi Publications)

More recently, while advising families about reducing time wasted on phones and social media, he encouraged families to:

read together, sit together, eat together, and go for walks and picnics in parks and the countryside together. (Salafi Publications)

This gives us a much healthier picture.

A Muslim family can be home-centred and still enjoy Allah’s creation.

Take the children walking.

Let them run.

Go to the countryside.

Have a picnic.

Let them have permissible games.

Spend time together.

Come home again.

The goal is not to create children who feel imprisoned by their home.

The goal is to create children who love their home but do not need constant outside entertainment in order to be content.

There are also authentic examples showing that permissible recreation has a place in Islam. ʿĀʾishah رضي الله عنها watched the Abyssinians practising with their spears while the Prophet ﷺ allowed her to watch, and the scholars derived from this that permissible entertainment and relaxation can be provided for one’s family. The narration is reported by al-Bukhārī and Muslim. (Troid)

ʿĀʾishah رضي الله عنها also narrated that she raced the Prophet ﷺ, and scholars mentioned this as evidence for the permissibility of foot-racing and wholesome recreation. (Troid)

So there is no contradiction between loving our homes and enjoying permissible activities outside them.

Balance is the key.

We May Have to Retrain Ourselves

For some of us, learning to love home will take practice.

It did for me.

If you have spent years associating enjoyment with being outside, shopping, meeting people and constantly having somewhere to go, then a quiet day at home may initially feel strange.

But habits can change.

Start noticing what Allah has already placed inside your home.

Your Qurʾān.

Your books.

Your children.

Your family.

Your kitchen.

Your projects.

Your garden, if Allah has blessed you with one.

Your ability to sit with your children and teach them.

Your opportunity to organise your home.

Your chance to read.

Your chance to learn your religion.

Your chance to worship privately without needing anybody else to see you.

A peaceful home does not need to be boring.

Make tea.

Read with the children.

Bake something.

Study an Islamic book.

Do crafts.

Teach Qurʾān.

Sit together after ṣalāh.

Have another family visit you.

Make your garden enjoyable.

Have family meals.

Create traditions inside the home that your children will remember long after they have grown.

The home does not become beautiful simply because of its furniture.

It becomes beautiful because of what happens inside it.

The Home Is Also Where We Raise the Next Generation

Abu Khadeejah, in his lessons on establishing an Islamic home, reminds parents to make the religion the most important part of their own lives and their children’s lives, to cultivate good habits and to take seriously the responsibility Allah has placed upon them. (Troid)

The Prophet ﷺ said regarding responsibility:

> “A woman is a shepherd of the house of her husband and she will be held responsible.”

The narration teaches that everyone has a flock and will be questioned concerning the responsibilities entrusted to them. (Salafi Publications)

Motherhood is therefore not a side occupation.

What happens inside our homes matters enormously.

The conversations our children hear matter.

The routines they grow up with matter.

What we normalise matters.

Think About What We Are Teaching Our Daughters

This is especially important for our daughters.

A daughter is learning about womanhood long before she becomes a woman.

She watches her mother.

If she constantly hears:

“I hate being stuck in the house.”

“We need to get out.”

“There’s nothing to do at home.”

“I can’t stand sitting indoors.”

what picture of womanhood and home life are we giving her?

We may unintentionally be teaching her that the home is somewhere women should escape from.

But imagine something different.

She watches a mother who is content.

A mother who learns.

A mother who reads.

A mother who teaches.

A mother who makes her house pleasant.

A mother who enjoys family life.

A mother who leaves when there is a reason to leave and is equally happy to return home afterwards.

A mother who does not need constant stimulation from shops, restaurants, social media and outings in order to feel that life has meaning.

That teaches something powerful without even needing a lesson.

Mums Unstuck often emphasises the practical parenting principle that parenting begins with us: when the parent changes, grows and models something different, the children are influenced by where the parent leads. (mumsunstuck.com)

This is practical parenting advice rather than a religious proof in itself, but it fits an important reality of tarbiyah:

Our children are watching the life we live, not merely listening to the lessons we teach.

If I want my daughter one day to feel content being a wife and mother in her home, I should think seriously about the picture of home life I am showing her today.

Being Home-Centred Does Not Mean Becoming Isolated

There is another extreme we should avoid.

Loving our homes does not mean cutting ourselves off from everybody.

We still maintain family ties.

We visit parents.

We maintain relationships with righteous sisters.

We attend beneficial gatherings where appropriate.

We take children to beneficial places.

We walk, explore Allah’s creation and enjoy permissible recreation.

We fulfil our responsibilities.

There can be periods in a woman’s life when she genuinely needs more support, company or time outside because of her circumstances.

And this reminder should certainly never be used against a woman whose home is unsafe or whose circumstances require her to seek protection or assistance.

The point is not isolation.

The point is contentment.

It is learning that home does not have to be the place we tolerate until the next outing.

Make Your Home Your Base Again

Perhaps we need to reclaim the language we use.

Instead of:

“I’m stuck at home today.”

Try:

“I’m having a home day today.”

Instead of believing the children must constantly be entertained somewhere else, teach them how to live within a family.

Let them become comfortable with quiet.

Let them read.

Let them create.

Let them play.

Let them help.

Let them cook.

Let them sit with adults.

Let them learn their religion.

Then take them outside sometimes.

Walk with them.

Visit family.

Meet good companions.

Enjoy a picnic.

Let them run and play.

And then return home.

Because the goal is not to make the outside world forbidden.

The goal is to stop treating the home as though it is somehow inferior.

Allah has given the Muslim woman enormous work to do within her home: worship, learning, cultivating children, protecting her family, developing good character and establishing an environment in which Islam can flourish.

That is not “doing nothing.”

That is building a family.

And families build communities.

So perhaps some of us simply need to retrain ourselves, as I had to retrain myself.

Slow down.

Stay home a little more.

Stop believing every empty afternoon needs filling with an outing.

Make the house somewhere you enjoy being.

And teach your daughters through your own example that there is dignity, tranquillity and immense value in a Muslim woman being settled and content within her home.

May Allah make our homes places of sakīnah, worship and beneficial knowledge; protect our families from fitnah; aid us in raising righteous sons and daughters; and make us women who are content with what pleases Him. Aameen ❤️

Sources and further reading

● Shaykh ʿAbdul-ʿAzīz ibn Bāz — Danger of Women Freely Mixing with Men, Especially in Their Participation in the Work Arena of Men, TROID. (Troid)

● Shaykh al-Albānī — Women and Daʿwah, TROID. (Troid)

● Abu Khadeejah — Permitting Women to Attend the Mosque and the Severe Rebuke of Those Who Prevent Them. (Salafi Publications)

● Abu Khadeejah — Twelve Steps in Cultivating Our Children and Establishing an Islamic Home. (Salafi Publications)

● Abu Khadeejah — advice concerning family time, reading, walks and picnics. (Salafi Publications)

● Abu Khadeejah — Establishing an Islamic Home, hosted by TROID. (Troid)

● TROID — Love, Romance, and the Proper Treatment of One’s Family as Exemplified by the Noble Prophet ﷺ, including the authentic narrations concerning permissible recreation. (Troid)

● Mums Unstuck — practical material on intentional motherhood, personal growth and modelling change for our children. (mumsunstuck.com)