Stop Judging Other People’s Parenting.

Muslim parents do not usually wakes up in the morning thinking, “I want to intentionally harm my children today. I want to put them in danger.” Parenting is difficult, and we never truly know what another mother is going through behind closed doors.

After speaking to so many parents about the hardships they face, and knowing the difficulties I’ve experienced in my own parenting journey, I’ve learned that the last thing we need is for our own sisters, friends and family to point the finger at us and make us feel even worse.

The sly comments, the “but she allows her children to do this” and “I would never let my child do that” comments.

Sometimes, it’s in the quiet moments, when we’re lying in bed reflecting on life, that we realise there are things we need to change about ourselves. We need to be careful. One day, we might find ourself in the very position of the mother we are judging, struggling with a toddler, finding it difficult to manage a teenager, or facing challenges you never imagined you would have to deal with.

Are parents responsible for how their children turn out? Sometimes, yes. Perhaps we have fallen short in the tarbiyah we should have given them, and we need to recognise our mistakes, correct them and do better, especially while our children are young, and even in their teens, corrections can still be made In shaa Allah.

But sometimes, we have tried our best, given them tarbiyah, made du’a for them and done everything we know how to do, yet we still face difficulties with our children. Sometimes, it is a test from Allah, and we must continue trying, remain patient and never give up on making things better.

What we don’t need is other mothers tearing us down while we are already struggling.

There is a difference between learning from another person’s parenting and speaking about them behind their back. We can observe a situation, reflect on it and think about what we would do differently without turning that mother into a topic of conversation with our friends and family.

We can advise one another with sincerity, kindness and wisdom when appropriate, but we should be careful not to humiliate, belittle or make another mother feel that we are somehow better than her.

I’ve learned that this is something we really need to be mindful of.

Mothers are already carrying so much. There are hardships upon hardships, worries we don’t share, struggles people don’t see and days when we are simply trying our best to get through.

Instead of looking for faults in another mother’s parenting, perhaps we should take a moment to look at ourselves. Are we doing everything we can to improve our own parenting? Are we showing other mothers the compassion we would hope to receive ourselves?

It is easy to sit back and judge when you are not the one facing those difficulties. But life has a way of humbling us. Sometimes, we find ourselves facing the very same struggles we once criticised another mother for.

None of are perfect parents..

We all have things to learn, mistakes to correct and areas where we need to improve.

So let us support one another, make du’a for one another and offer sincere advice when it is needed. Let us stop making motherhood harder for one another than it already is.

We should want to help our sisters become better mothers, not leave them feeling like failures.

And before we speak about another mother’s parenting, let us remember that we, too, are being tested in our own parenting journey.

And reminder to myself first and foremost.

Everything on my website is always a reminder to me first. May allah forgive me for all my sins and aid me in acting uppon these reminders too.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Those who are merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth, and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.” Sahih Muslim 2319

May Allah rectify our affairs, guide our children, help us to raise them upon what pleases Him, and make us a source of support for one another rather than a source of further hardship. Aameen.